There's still that prick of unease swimming in my stomach... but I think I'm managing it better now. It used to be unease and fear and anxiety and uncertainty, but now there's closure, and I know what I'm dealing with. I'm just so used to things falling apart that I know what the end is going to look like before it even comes.
It's amazing how some people can act JUST the way you want them to, and even if you've seen others hurt by the same process and promised yourself you'd never be that naive, you still fall for it when it's turned on you. But I've unintentionally figured you out, and it's made me realize how silly I've been to fall for your moves, your actions, your words. I regret believing that I was actually so close to you - but it wasn't actually you, it was just one of your personalities. And maybe you meant some of the things you said or some of the things you did.. but how much of our relationship was built off of your acting and my believing? I know I shouldn't overthink everything you do, but if I really took everything at face value, I'd be dropped into the same cycle of disappointment and hurt I've been trying so hard to get out of. No attachments = no disappointments, right? But that doesn't mean I want to close myself up; I'm not quite ready for that. I still believe that there WILL be someone out there who'll be real; who will show me their actual self without any subtlety or any sugarcoating or any secrets - someone different. And maybe it's this mentality that encourages me to welcome everyone into my life with open arms because I'm convinced they'll help me make myself into a better person, even if I turn out wrong almost every single time. But I still believe in people. And maybe if that doesn't work, I believe in myself. Because when everything comes to the end, that's all I have.
There's still that prick of unease swimming in my stomach... but I think I'm managing it better now. It used to be unease and fear and anxiety and uncertainty, but now there's closure, and I know what I'm dealing with. I'm just so used to things falling apart that I know what the end is going to look like before it even comes.
It's amazing how some people can act JUST the way you want them to, and even if you've seen others hurt by the same process and promised yourself you'd never be that naive, you still fall for it when it's turned on you. But I've unintentionally figured you out, and it's made me realize how silly I've been to fall for your moves, your actions, your words. I regret believing that I was actually so close to you - but it wasn't actually you, it was just one of your personalities. And maybe you meant some of the things you said or some of the things you did.. but how much of our relationship was built off of your acting and my believing? I know I shouldn't overthink everything you do, but if I really took everything at face value, I'd be dropped into the same cycle of disappointment and hurt I've been trying so hard to get out of. No attachments = no disappointments, right? But that doesn't mean I want to close myself up; I'm not quite ready for that. I still believe that there WILL be someone out there who'll be real; who will show me their actual self without any subtlety or any sugarcoating or any secrets - someone different. And maybe it's this mentality that encourages me to welcome everyone into my life with open arms because I'm convinced they'll help me make myself into a better person, even if I turn out wrong almost every single time. But I still believe in people. And maybe if that doesn't work, I believe in myself. Because when everything comes to the end, that's all I have.
Impress me. Sing along to Bon Jovi and Muse with me. Watch Lion King until your eyes hurt. Laugh at all my jokes. Buy me striped clothing on my birthday! Learn to love my Mickey. (: Memorize my phone number, and memorize it RIGHT. Buy me CD albums for my birthday/Christmas/anything! Never tell me you want to watch me swim. Get me Vitamin Water when I'm stressed. (: Tell me your life story. I'll tell you mine.
