which color?





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hi catherine

cause you told me you were reading this. Btw thanks for not responding on AIM facker.

Haaaay guys yeah I don't know why I'm blogging so much! I think it's cause I feel really really really emotionally offset by everything around me, and maybe the pressure of prioritizing all my shit's finally gone to my head. But I still suck ass at time management. I meant, it's 7 PM and I've barely skimmed math and human. WTF AM I DOING TO MYSELF. I think once I accept something, I'm in the mentality that there's no way it can improve. But yeah. I don't know.

I JUST STARTED IT I'M NOT GONNA LOST IT goodness Alice gain some confidence PLEASE. I think I'm conflicting with myself too much and it gets my insides all mushy and messy and now I get stomach aches too much! ): There's like two people living inside of me who NEVER AGREE. IT'S SO FRUSTRATING and yet I can't get rid of it.

But yeah I have a hard time admitting stuff to myself and maybe that's why? And I lost that light at the end, so I feel like I'm scrambling for nothing at allll. I'm losing motivation everywhere and losing sight of what I really want and UGH. You know that sinking feeling you get when you think of a specific thing? I get it when I think of
- soccer - because I really do feel like I've stopped trying at all
- _____________ disappear for a while PLEASE you're making my mind go into overdrive
- COMPS?!
- GRADES?!
- my intership (the guy never contacts me, I swear I'm gonna get a C in that class)
- FORMAL cause I don't have an overcoat/accessories/purse. --x
- sleep cause obviously I'm not getting any

I'm losing weight and I'm worrying! I've weighed up to 105 before (I think during swim) but I'm at a 97 now and I'm really really worried because soccer is supposed to be making me HEAVIER with muscle and more food, but wtf?! And I'm losing my appetite a lot recently, so I eat at really odd times... I swear I don't have an eating disorder, though. I promise. Maybe things'll get better after I pass this hell week up? Maaaaybe; I'm gonna go nap now cause I'm flipping TIRED and my eyes won't stay open.

Oh yeah I fell asleep during my English final today. Bender was standing right next to me in chem so I couldn't fall alseep = good thing! I still bombed it though, even though he hinted my answer was wrong by coughing when I wrote it down LOL.

Good luck guys!

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FACK I told myself not to and to pull myself together and STOP THIS SHIT but I really really can't and now I don't know wtf to do. Alice, just STOP STOP STOP you're better than this you have to STOP your head from getting into all of this you told yourself this the beginning of freshman year that you wouldn't do this AND YOU STILL ARE. What's MORE important right now are your GRADES and how you have to work so much harder to make up for the slacking you did before this. CALM yourself and focus please!

Vitamin String Quartet's on replay over and over again in the background; I guess it's kinda soothing. I tried Secondhand Serenade and Rob Thomas but they didn't work - I think I need wordless songs.

Can I please stop getting distracted please please please I really don't need this right now! Fuck me and my bad timing.

ajsdlf;kajsdfl;kajsdlfkadlajdlksdjfalkja;slkjfa;sdfsdf

Good thing no one reads this. I need a stress ball / egg whatever those things are; my mind's really going into overload. And *&$#(&*%$#(* soccer at 2:30 tomorrow?! Human and Brice comp are waaaay too important to miss; I hate soccer like no other right now. If the captains found this I'd be killed but whatever. It's just getting into the way too much. ):

alksjfas;lkgjfsdf I CAN'T GET RID OF THSDIO;FADFLK

Good luck on comps guys! Don't go too crazy. (: Bye!

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I wish I could just take a one day / week / month break from all this stress. Sometimes I look at the mess in my room with all my papers and textbooks and clothing thrown everywhere and the comfort food cluttering my desk and the cough / fever / headache medicine stuffed in a corner and I just ;KAJFKLSFJDASDKF GET ME OUT OF HERE. The stress is just overload, and I KNOW I can handle it, but I do so in such an ineffective way that I just want to cry sometimes. I guess I could complain about hating school, but mostly I hate myself because of how I deal with it. I just wish I had some time to just recollect myself and start over; bad habits tend to build up with no outlet.

But I guess there's always some circumstance or person or event or idea to look forward to, so I just have to keep finding one for every minute of the day so I know that all this isn't going to a waste. But when the reward isn't worth the work...then I guess that's where my motivation starts slipping and I fall into the mentality of pushing things to the last minute. I think that's where procrastination starts - when motivation stops. I need more motivation! Have to keep myself going have to keep myself going have to keep myself going love love love butterflies rainbows hugs wins not losses him him him encouragement family love 11:11 forgive and forget warmth beds happiness?

I'm so ridiculously tired that I can literally knock out anywhere. At least I can get to school relatively late tomorrow, but FRAAACK soccer at 2:30?! WTFWTFWTF how am I supposed to study for chem. ): I'm efffffed.

I miss you already.

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i can see the venom in their eyes.

Follow me; tell me everything you want me to be. Forever with you; forever with me; ever the same.

Rob Thomas makes my day just a little bit brighter.
So does...yeah. (:
Soccer girls do the job too.
Soccer itself doesn't. -_-
I think talent show practice too.

I LOVE how I can look forward to stuff now!
ts practice = <3
soccer practice = <3 sorta
weekend = mission viejo = <3333!

Reloving Cobra Starship!
The city is at war; playtime for the young and rich.


I was just YouTubing Cobra Starship songs and I find this one with the title 'Snakes on a Plane' so I was like wtf and I watched it. And when the chorus comes there's this SUPER CUTE GUY and I spent an hour looking him up. (: Here he is

hehehe helloooo beautiful.

And here's the video:

...talk about love at first sight. ;)

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jumbled.

I need to start cleaning up! My tabletop’s such a mess. ):

But I think it’s cause I’m hungry all the time, so I bring bowls and chips and cups and candy and alskjfa;sdlfk too much food! = ants! = antbites which hurt like a motherfather.

Oh and they say gum helps stave off food cravings, so I have three packets on the table right now. (+ three random Trident sticks that came out of nowhere the other day.) Trident Layers are REALLY good, btw! And their packaging is adorable; almost like Stride!

There’s a box of truffles I was supposed to give someone as a gift, but I forgot, so I have to delay it till the next time I visit his office. But now it’s just SITTING there and I want to open and eat it so bad but I know I’ll regret it AGHHH I should stop being hungry so much. I don’t even excercise that much. Maybe I’m growing. Maybe I’m getting taller! Maybe I can actually start looking good in skinny jeans // boots // dresses yaaay.

Kay I’ll go pig out on Ben&Jerry’s bye!

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...ish.

Hola.

I'm late, but
New Year's Resolutions?
New decade; new shit to compromise with. (:

- stop putting off stuff till the last minute.
- stop being materialistic. Ehh. I probably already broke that.
- learn to control my temper. Broke that one too.
- step out of my comfort zone + gain more confidence.
- only make promises you can keep.
- stop being selfish. -___-
- get better at soccer.
- get better at swimming.
- NO all-nighters for school stuff. >:O
- be more spontaneous.
- be more forgiving. (:
- stop forgetting stuff and be more ATTENTIVE! asdlkjfas;lgjf
- get to know a kajillion more people. (:
- get more posters of hot guys.
- don't think too much.
- buy more earrings.
- stop worrying about what other people think of you, geeeeez.
- work hard, play harder; IN THAT ORDER.
-

Shhh I'll stop.

So I was looking through last year January's stuff, and look what I found!

"This year, when the ball dropped in Times Square, I felt nothing. My mom and Tina were like OMGOSH IT'S TWO THOUSAND AND NINEEEE! :DDDD But I was more like ehhh. Just. Didn't feel like anything happened. Same house, same people, and more or less the same TIME. And they're all getting superstitious - 'You can't have a messy room on the first day of the new year!' 'If you pig out today, you'll be fat for the rest of the year!' 'You can't play Rock Band today! You'll be playing it everyday the rest of the year then!' -___- Yeah okaay. I did all of those things anyway. (: But I am planning on cleaning up my room right now. Ahha.

Got a call from Texas regarding my warranty on my vehicle. LAST WARNING. Ooh I'm scared.

I'm typing this at 1:30 AM. An hour and a half into the new year. Oh no - I'm gonna be staying up late the rest of the year! -__- So I feel like making resolutions. But ehh. What resolutions? It's always the same, but yet they never get granted. But I'll try making some in the morning. It's getting pretty late, and my mom's getting pretty angry.

And I'm going somewhere around two. At this rate, I'll probably be waking up around one. Then shower and breakfast --> three. Sooo. Good night. (: "


I miss 2009. Freshman year was fun. ): I want it back.
I don't feel positive at ALL for 2010.
al;ksjfa;lsdfja

My old posts sound kinda like Tina.
..I kinda want to throw up.

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