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My violin’s name is Antonio. Spare bow - Sparrow; performance bow - Antoinette.

So I guess today was my last day of violin class? I’d like to think I chose to leave and that my life would be so much more relaxing…but really? I love my teachers so much, and we have so much more than just a student-teacher bond; leaving them is like leaving family. And it’s not like I’m going to college - which is why students usually leave. I guess it’s sorta hurting me, and there’s no doubt it hurts them; we’ve literally been together for more than 10 years - me, my sister, my mom, my dad, him, her. This post is dedicated to them.. ♥

They’re a couple - she teaches the beginners, he teaches the more advanced. First four years she taught me, then when Tina started learning, he taught me.

SHE
is a kid at heart. Most classes, we don’t even play; we talk about nails and boys and the latest fashions. She’s so concerned about my posture and structure (something I STILL can’t correct) and treats me like her daughter. She hates dogs and Mickey scares the living daylights out of her. She’s like the big sister I never had.

HE
is ridiculously hilarious. He’s been in America longer than I have, but is STILL almost completely illiterate in English. Almost every class he asks me to translate something for him… “How do you say ‘I want to return this?’”; “What about ‘my turtle is sick?’”; “How do you spell ‘chicken nuggets?’”. Sometimes I wonder how he’s going to live in America without paying a translator… He can imitate bird calls and tells me that’s how squeaky my playing gets when I’m stressed. He’s most definitely the most talented violin player I have ever met, and I have no doubt he’ll always be.

So occasionally she and my mom go out to lunch and gossip…probably about their husbands, I’m guessing. And occasionally he hosts parties and he and my dad get drunk and they both get so ridiculously drunk neither can think straight. I’m pretty sure my mom and dad need them as outlets away from family; I miss them already.

I’m going to miss rehearsals and recitals - I’ve met countless people there that I’m probably never going to meet again. I’m going to miss sneaking in and out of elevators with Tiffany when it’s not our turn to go on stage - it’s a tradition we started when we were 6 and we’re still doing it every year. I’m going to miss the hide-and-seek games after the performance. I’m going to miss sneaking down for food and Leo pretending not to catch me. I’m going to miss all their relatives that are ALWAYS and always will be supportive of me and my playing. I’m going to miss the smell of their house and how they have clocks on almost every wall. I’m going to miss his all-adult parties where Tiffany and I play on the stairs. I’m going to miss Leo and how I grew up with him; it’s been 7 years since the high-school him saw the kindergartner me. Now you’ve got a job and a house and I’m almost done with high school… I’m even going to miss his fish and turtles that he cares for so much he buys the state-of-the-art technology for them. I’m going to miss his unlimited supply of Mountain Dew for me cause he knows I love it that much. I’m going to miss her giving me candy when she knows I’m down and him telling me jokes to make me feel happier. I’m going to miss translating for BOTH of them and teaching them the magics of technology. I’m going to miss how their music fills the room and how I feel so free when he and I play in perfect harmony; him doing the piano part and me doing the violin.

I can’t believe I’m letting all this go. )’:


2 lovenotes.
tugging on my heartstrings...

There's so many untold stories.. ): I wish people would stop putting such a strong guard up; there ARE others who are willing to help; stop shutting them out! Stop hurting yourself, stop keeping it in, stop thinking you can't trust anyone...

Ugh holy shit 360 turn...I thought things were better but I guess I was blind and distracted. Assuming was never such a good idea. And to make things worse, I can't get sentimental and sappy without disgusting myself, so I can't even give words of encouragement without sounding completely fake. UGHDFLKJSDFLK why can't I express myself better! I hate this. ):

And the thing is, it's not even me that's falling apart - it's everyone around me! Having a front-row seat for self-destruction isn't very appealing, and I can't do anything but stand by and pat shoulders. Sigh I'm sorry I'm so useless. ): But I want you to know that I'm always always here for you no matter what I say or do and I'm so sorry I can't ever express my feelings...this goes for so many of you guys but I'm such a wuss to say it to your face.

On the bright side,
my wall's getting stronger with every hit.
(: ?

0 lovenotes.

DON'T KNOW HOW THIS IS TURNING OUT.
KINDA SCARED,
KINDA EXCITED.

I'm SO ready for this ride.

0 lovenotes.
your smile.

Wsup bloggers. (: There's not many of you out there though. ):

SAAAADIES is around the corner! (March 19th entitled 'The Time Traveler's Dance', $8 w/ ASB, $10 w/o, $15 at the door! shameless publicity <3) But seriously fck Sadies fck the girl code fck boys can my life be just a leeetle more tilting my way please. Now I sound like a hypocrite cause elections just ended and I really am ridiculously happy and relieved, I really am! But it's just the little things that kinda turn things on their head and I'm all of a sudden left in the dark again. I get that good and bad things come in pairs and always alternate (at least for me) but sometimes I don't know if the ups were worth the downs...

I really do think I'm insane / obssessive / unrational / uncontrollable and I need to get a GRIP on myself! It's kinda 3:30 AM right now and okay so it's a Friday, but that doesn't mean I should be up. I don't know what I'm even doing except my head's kinda spinning (reminds me of Jack's Mannequin's song..) and it's not letting me sleep anyways.

Swim season = half-naked guys = ... ;D
Kay well only some of them. The other half...maybe not so much. But swim also means SO MUCH good food; Red Robin's the other day and pho todaaay! :o) I love pho like no other. I also love ____'s and _____'s and _____'s body...'drink the gatorade and let it run down your chest!' <3 HOHOHO. Los Amigos - I'm not going! :): I guess it was a fun meet but HOLY HELL it was so cold! ): Next year maybe...

I MISS MY IPOD SO DAMN MUCH HOLY SHIETTTT I want it back so so so so badly! )': If you find it, I'll love you forever; I'm NOT kidding. That thing is my lifeeee; I need it for when I'm sleeping, right before an event, to block out sound, to refocus & distract, to provide an outlet. I FEEL SO INCOMPLETE. )': Baby come back to me... (LOL reminds me of 'Sadies come back to me' AHAHAHA)

Dear ____, stop being so adorable. IT'S WRONG.
Dear ____, I'm sorry I'm so shallow. ):
Dear ____, I bet you don't even remember me.

3 lovenotes.