a;lksjfalskfj is the ONLY word I can describe me/life/time/future/OUTLOOKS. I get the feeling more and MORE now, and I hate it. And I KNOW it's not depression, but it sure gets me somewhere close to there. -_- I think it's just fear of losing my sense of belonging, or losing my grasp of the future, or losing the will to work harder, or wasting my youth worrying about my future.
I think it's just stories and movies and books that are making me so damn paranoid. They talk about high school love and adventures and finding soulmates; about making it big and having access to anywhere and knowing everyone; about being loved and admired and respected by everyone. And it's just making me so...a;lsfkja;sdlk I don't even know! Scared/frustrated/depressed/insecure that I won't EVER experience the same.
And I hate how I'm so mediocre; how I can't stand out in anything. There's no faith for me to cling to, no talent to rely on, no intelligence to live off of. I'm average; below average, even. And I don't care about the 'everyone's unique!' bull, because in the real world, no one CARES that you have quirks that differ you from the person beside you. And it sounds so wrong, but I'm so damn JEALOUS of the people who've persevered and excelled at something - gymnastics, dance, art, swimming, violin, singing, acting, writing, business, ANYTHING.
I keep asking myself more and more WHY I was given this life. (oh shit here we go again.) There must have been SOME purpose for me, some impact or influence I can leave. But alskdfjasdlk I want to know NOW. I HATE fumbling around in the darkness and not knowing where's safe and where's not. I'm not brave enough to stand up against my beliefs and go my own way and succeed there, nor am I talented enough to keep up what I'm doing and be happy.
Whitney -> college -> job -> family. That's about it, right? No moviesque adventures or miraculous success plans; just plain hard work, and how much you care about it. 'Life sucks. Then you die.'
I really hope I didn't jinx myself. Maybe there's still hope? (:
a;lksjfalskfj is the ONLY word I can describe me/life/time/future/OUTLOOKS. I get the feeling more and MORE now, and I hate it. And I KNOW it's not depression, but it sure gets me somewhere close to there. -_- I think it's just fear of losing my sense of belonging, or losing my grasp of the future, or losing the will to work harder, or wasting my youth worrying about my future.
I think it's just stories and movies and books that are making me so damn paranoid. They talk about high school love and adventures and finding soulmates; about making it big and having access to anywhere and knowing everyone; about being loved and admired and respected by everyone. And it's just making me so...a;lsfkja;sdlk I don't even know! Scared/frustrated/depressed/insecure that I won't EVER experience the same.
And I hate how I'm so mediocre; how I can't stand out in anything. There's no faith for me to cling to, no talent to rely on, no intelligence to live off of. I'm average; below average, even. And I don't care about the 'everyone's unique!' bull, because in the real world, no one CARES that you have quirks that differ you from the person beside you. And it sounds so wrong, but I'm so damn JEALOUS of the people who've persevered and excelled at something - gymnastics, dance, art, swimming, violin, singing, acting, writing, business, ANYTHING.
I keep asking myself more and more WHY I was given this life. (oh shit here we go again.) There must have been SOME purpose for me, some impact or influence I can leave. But alskdfjasdlk I want to know NOW. I HATE fumbling around in the darkness and not knowing where's safe and where's not. I'm not brave enough to stand up against my beliefs and go my own way and succeed there, nor am I talented enough to keep up what I'm doing and be happy.
Whitney -> college -> job -> family. That's about it, right? No moviesque adventures or miraculous success plans; just plain hard work, and how much you care about it. 'Life sucks. Then you die.'
I really hope I didn't jinx myself. Maybe there's still hope? (:
Impress me. Sing along to Bon Jovi and Muse with me. Watch Lion King until your eyes hurt. Laugh at all my jokes. Buy me striped clothing on my birthday! Learn to love my Mickey. (: Memorize my phone number, and memorize it RIGHT. Buy me CD albums for my birthday/Christmas/anything! Never tell me you want to watch me swim. Get me Vitamin Water when I'm stressed. (: Tell me your life story. I'll tell you mine.
