Life's been hell. And a lot of you aren't helping. Actually, some of you guys are actually the ones MAKING it hell. So thanks. Thanks a lot. And I know I sound like some psychotic, immature brat bawling my eyes out, and you can think that for all I care, but some things just do this to me. And if the people doing these things are the people I love, then..?
Friday was supposed to be a day that I loved. I mean, everyone loves Friday. It's chill day. You do whatever you want; stay up late, go out with your friends, whatever. But it's just one little thing that completely ruins the peace. And to you guys, it'll seem so little and so inconsequential, but to me, it really did hurt. And I know you don't know that I'm actually talking to you. You'll probably be reading this, and thinking it's someone else. I don't care. You can go off on other one of your mood swings and think up of some random excuse that doesn't make sense. I don't care. I used to, but I don't. And when was the last time you saw me cry? Never. I don't think you've ever seen me shed a tear, for anything, in front of you. How does it feel that you've managed to change that? Congratulations. What an honor.
And what hurts even more is you didn't even realize what kind of remarks got to me the most. I thought you'd know me that well to figure it out. Guess you didn't. Used those exact words to get back at me. Is this thanks for whatever I've done for you before? Because if it is, I must've been a freaking btch to you. You and those two other <3's you brought with you. All of you, ganging up on me like I'm some sort of school bully; some sort of prey; some sort of person you'd hate with all your living.
But don't get me wrong. I still love you. I still love all of you. Just don't do that ever again. <3
And I realize that I expect too much of myself at times. I place myself in a mind of success and reward, and when I don't achieve what I wish for, I fall a long way. I unconsciously persuade myself that losing is not an option, even when I'm reminded constantly by my family and by my friends that it is not so. And I always think that I'm aware of the fact that there's always a chance that I might fail, and I tell myself, but in the end, I realize that I never thought that. It was just a cover for that need for success. And I wish I could get rid of that. Just throw it away, and never face it again. Because what I'm really afraid of most is not letting other people down, but letting myself down.
I think most of you understood what I'm talking about. And thanks guys for the support today. <3
Life's been hell. And a lot of you aren't helping. Actually, some of you guys are actually the ones MAKING it hell. So thanks. Thanks a lot. And I know I sound like some psychotic, immature brat bawling my eyes out, and you can think that for all I care, but some things just do this to me. And if the people doing these things are the people I love, then..?
Friday was supposed to be a day that I loved. I mean, everyone loves Friday. It's chill day. You do whatever you want; stay up late, go out with your friends, whatever. But it's just one little thing that completely ruins the peace. And to you guys, it'll seem so little and so inconsequential, but to me, it really did hurt. And I know you don't know that I'm actually talking to you. You'll probably be reading this, and thinking it's someone else. I don't care. You can go off on other one of your mood swings and think up of some random excuse that doesn't make sense. I don't care. I used to, but I don't. And when was the last time you saw me cry? Never. I don't think you've ever seen me shed a tear, for anything, in front of you. How does it feel that you've managed to change that? Congratulations. What an honor.
And what hurts even more is you didn't even realize what kind of remarks got to me the most. I thought you'd know me that well to figure it out. Guess you didn't. Used those exact words to get back at me. Is this thanks for whatever I've done for you before? Because if it is, I must've been a freaking btch to you. You and those two other <3's you brought with you. All of you, ganging up on me like I'm some sort of school bully; some sort of prey; some sort of person you'd hate with all your living.
But don't get me wrong. I still love you. I still love all of you. Just don't do that ever again. <3
And I realize that I expect too much of myself at times. I place myself in a mind of success and reward, and when I don't achieve what I wish for, I fall a long way. I unconsciously persuade myself that losing is not an option, even when I'm reminded constantly by my family and by my friends that it is not so. And I always think that I'm aware of the fact that there's always a chance that I might fail, and I tell myself, but in the end, I realize that I never thought that. It was just a cover for that need for success. And I wish I could get rid of that. Just throw it away, and never face it again. Because what I'm really afraid of most is not letting other people down, but letting myself down.
I think most of you understood what I'm talking about. And thanks guys for the support today. <3
Impress me. Sing along to Bon Jovi and Muse with me. Watch Lion King until your eyes hurt. Laugh at all my jokes. Buy me striped clothing on my birthday! Learn to love my Mickey. (: Memorize my phone number, and memorize it RIGHT. Buy me CD albums for my birthday/Christmas/anything! Never tell me you want to watch me swim. Get me Vitamin Water when I'm stressed. (: Tell me your life story. I'll tell you mine.
